Oliver and Ben’s adoption story

My husband and I have adopted two children and have been assessed by two different local agencies.

We grew up under section 28 and its erasure and misinformation about LGBTQ people, and the harm we felt it did to public perception of two men raising a child. This made us feel like the adoption process might be harder because of our sexuality.

This couldn’t have been further from the truth. We knew all Adoption Agencies should treat adopters the same regardless of their relationship status, sexuality, or gender identity – and we were happy to discover that they do!

Both of our Assessing Social Workers were kind and respectful and made sure that we understood that their only priority was the happiness and security of the children. Their value of us was based on the Adopted family's capacity for love and care, not who we loved or how we identified.

The process is quite rightly long and hard but should also feel fair and detailed.

Our experience at Adoption Panel came with the same fears, we half expected there to be awkward questions about our sexuality, or who might be ‘the mother’ etc, but everyone was kind and welcoming.

We really got the feeling that post Adoption, if any challenges or discrimination were to arise, we would be supported by our agency.

Thankfully our experience with schools, medical appointments and other families has been mostly positive, and we feel that our experience as parents hasn’t been affected by being same-sex adopters (except for the odd insensitive form that insists one of us being mother!)

I’m now an Adoption Panel member, and it’s nice to see from behind the scenes the level of care and respect given to adopters. I am always impressed by the consideration of questions that are asked at panel. My panel has received specialist training, to keep us current on the best ways to support and encourage LGBTQ+ adopters when they come before us.

My one piece of advice would be, to be honest, and upfront about your relationship to sexuality, gender and your relationship - starting from attending your first information evening with an agency. If you don’t feel accepted for any reason, then it’s okay to go to a different one.